For parents and carers
How to explain to your child why Dad isn't here
There's no perfect script. But a few simple ideas can help your child feel safe, and help you feel less alone with the questions.
This page shares general ideas, not professional advice. A family counsellor or a service like 1800RESPECT can help with your family's situation. Zoe: please review and add your own tips
Keep it simple and honest
Young children need short, true answers they can hold on to. Something like “Daddy can't live with us because it wasn't safe, and grown-ups decided this to keep everyone safe” is enough for many little ones. You don't need to share frightening details.
Tell them it isn't their fault, often
Children commonly believe they caused a parent to leave. Say it clearly and more than once: “This is not because of anything you did.”
Let all their feelings be okay
Your child might feel sad, angry, confused, or miss their dad, sometimes all in one day. That's normal. You can say, “It's okay to miss Daddy. It's okay to feel cross too.”
Expect the same questions again
Children often come back to the same question many times as they grow. Each time is a chance to reassure them again, using words that fit their age.
Use a story to start the conversation
A picture book gives you both something to look at and talk about, so the conversation doesn't feel like an interrogation. Where's My Daddy? was written for exactly this moment.
Look after yourself too
You've been through a lot. Support for you is support for your child. Find free, confidential support lines.
Reading the book together
- Read it first on your own, so you know how it might feel.
- Choose a calm time, such as bedtime, rather than straight after a hard day.
- Pause and ask, “How do you think they feel?” Let your child lead.
- It's fine to stop and come back to it another day.